So...been a minute since I've done much of anything with this, huh? But I feel I need to externalize some feelings, or I'm just gonna go mad:

( CW for a bit of suicidal discussion, and a fair amount of wangst )

So here I sit, watching people soar into success and being both incredibly happy for and envious of them at the same time. I don't know what I can do to actually improve my situation, but just getting it out there hopefully will at least keep me from being a dick to people I care about.

So I was watching a segment of Have I Got News For You, featuring Sir Patrick Stewart; and he was talking about successful leaders. Then, and I am being quite serious, he said in a satisfied tone "Who defeated the Borg?" My response was two words: Jonathan Frakes.

Well...been a bit since I've even used my journal here, but I want to toss out what I've been up to lately:

• Last couple of years, I've been subbing for the local school district. I've been enjoying the experience, and there are still teachers at the high school who taught me.
• Bought a lot of Kamen Rider Build toys...and a lot of Gunpla...and a lot of Siege Transformers.
• Finally...the district moved to a private company for handling the subs, and while they're not terrible on their face, I found a lab tech job and decided to apply; they actually want to interview me on Monday!

Other than that, not a lot going on. I know, I know; I live a super exciting life.

I happened to have derived a collectible gimmick scheme based on how the gimmicks interact and their own features, naming them based on when I first observed their use in Toku. These names can, of course, change depending on new information. So, I'll describe my systems and then briefly discuss which one I like the best and which one I like the least. Please note; these are all fantastic gimmicks with lots of fun for everyone, but this is my journal, and thus it follows my rules.

Scheme I: Buttons are pressed in varying combinations to give out unique sounds. I call this the Ryuki System because of how the Dragredder read the cards you inserted into it. Other shows that use this style include Kyoryuger, Shinkenger, Drive, Fourze, and Gokaiger.

Which lines do I think did this best and worst? Best...I'd probably go with Fourze; almost every Switch was used in the show and the line was fairly concise, making it easy to collect every in-show used Switch. Worst would probably be, as others have mentioned, Shinkenger. Lots of Discs used almost at random throughout the show made it difficult to see what would be used until the show concluded, thus making it tough to collect.

Scheme II: Cards with barcodes scanned into a barcode reader; I call this the Blade System for obvious reasons. Other shows that used this system include Decade, and Goseiger. Small group, but I put them at all about the same level, with Blade at a slight edge of Decade/Goseiger because of the added artistic appeal of the Cards.

Scheme III: Soundboxes; basically, the gimmick makes most of the sounds, with the core "reader" toy making few to none, mainly acting as a holder for the gimmick toy. This is the Go-Onger scheme, with other examples being Double and Gaim. Of these three...I like Go-Onger's the best, since it is pretty easy to collect the in-show Souls and there is a lack of Legend Sentai Souls, compared to previous Rider Memories and Lockseeds.

Scheme IV: Scanning; the gimmick has a chip that you scan with the core reader item. So far, the only two I know of that use this method are OOO and Wizard, so I'll call it the OOO System. Of these two, I prefer OOO over Wizard; OOO's system of slotting in Medals and then cocking the belt and finishing with the scan is so much more visceral than Wizard's hold-a-ring-in-front-of-your-groin method.

So for a long time, people who know me know my favorite Rider is Decade. A lot of people wonder why, since Decade isn't per se one of the popular Rider series; not like Kuuga, Agito, or Double, just to name a few from the Heisei Riders. Well, when they ask me, I give a rather tepid "well, it was my first Rider show," or something along those lines. Well, I think I should actually tell the real reason why.

It's because I identify with Tuskasa; he's a wanderer, rejected by everything, but still trying to form connections to the people and events that surround him. I may know logically that I'm not rejected, but to be honest...I feel slightly rejected from the people I talk to a lot. Please note; this is nothing on the people I talk to, this is on me. I see a lot of people having really interesting discussions, and I feel like I do not belong with them. However...as vain as it may appear to read, I want some form of social interaction; so I go out and try to make those connections, so that the world(s) I inhabit accept me from sheer amount of presence.

Additionally, Tsukasa's story to find who he is also resonates with me. I feel like...this may be tough to explain, but I feel like no matter where I am, I don't fully belong. Like everyone around me is this source of incredible awesome and I'm below average. So I search for the place where maybe I can be super awesome, to find that place I belong.

And in further honesty: I do enjoy the Rider Card / Mega Manning gimmick of his belt and Decade's suit design. Answers like that may be tepid, but they are a part of the reasons why I like Tsukasa Kadoya; they just aren't everything.

Yeah, time for my MSiA collection; same setup, organized by series.

( What do you want? )

And we're moving along...this just leaves my Transformers.

Looking at my DX Titan Megazord, (Same mold as the DX MagiKing, just a technical repaint of it) I came to some interesting realizations about how the MagiMajin's positions in the combined mecha respect the character's positions in the family:

• Urara is the foundation for the family without their parents; MagiMermaid is the feet.
• Makito is the backbone of the family as well as the breadwinner / financially strongest;  MagiTarus is the skeletal structure of MagiKing as well as forming its arms.
• Kai and Houka and the forefront of the family, since we see them interact with supporting characters outside the family the most, and MagiPhoenix and MagiFairy form the chest of MagiKing.
• Finally, Tsubasa...he is the hardest for me to figure out. However, I think I have it: he is the most emotionally fragile of the Ozus, but he posesses the most specialized skills regularly used in the show: boxing (the MagiPunch) and his potion mixing. So, with that in mind, it makes a lot of sense that MagiGaruda would form the useful, but fragile wings.

That's my take on the situation, at least.

List of stuff I can still use for Friday:

• Cell Phone minutes
• Shorts (2 or three pairs)
• Microwave
• Perishable supplies money
• AA Batteries for my mouse
• AAA batteries for remotes
• Paper
• Notebook
• Pens
• Mechanical pencils
• Lotion
• Lip Balm
• Medicine / Facial Tissue
• Toilet Paper
• Longer Ethernet cord
• Trash bags
• Toiletries (Body Wash, Shampoo/Conditioner)

Well, it's almost done. I had my last test in Computer Science yesterday, and my last non-final test in Calculus I today. All that's left are my final project for CS, and my finals. It'd be more significant if I weren't so cold, though! All the cold air just flows in here, and it's worse when the wind is in the west. >_<

Yeah; third essay is on the movie version of the play Wit, and I kinda know what I want to discuss, so these three scenes are the ones I want to remember:

• Vivian pinching her IV drip to summon Susie
• Vivian offering half her popsicle to Susie
• Susie trying to clean up Vivian after her death and the attempted Code Blue

I still need to think about a connection between all these scenes, but this is the start of my essay.

Thesis: In the film adaption of Wit, Vivian only gains the emotional strength to face her own mortality through the friendship she develops with her nurse, Susie.

Possible secondary quotes

From http://www.westga.edu/~pburgey/Wit/TheologicalHumanism.pdf:

• However, below the surface of things, she is mysterious—even sacred—a more complicated character than anyone in the production or audience might begin to imagine.
• Despite a stockpile of degrees, certificates, and awards of recognition, the ‘expert’ readers are far from humanistic

From http://www.westga.edu/~pburgey/Wit/PrideRessurrection.pdf:

•  Vivian Bearing receives but one visitor: Professor E.M. Ashford, her former mentor and predecessor as preeminent Donne scholar.
• Further, her reliance on "wit" keeps her at a distance from others and initially increases her suffering.
• She has made no friends...(there's more to this quote, but that's the part I think I'll use)

From http://www.westga.edu/~pburgey/Wit/ArtofAnalogy.pdf:

• Vivian's emotional bildung is assisted by Susie, the nurse, who is constantly contrasted to the doctors in the play. Susie keeps Vivian company in moments of loneliness, comforts her in moments of anxiety, and brings her a popsicle to help fight the dehydration caused by the chemotherapy.
• Like
  everything else in the play, this manifestation of a human touch is not presented
  uncritically. It has a sentimental side, to which Vivian reacts in revulsion:
  "Popsicles? "Sweetheart?" I can't believe my life has become so ... corny" (69).
• she explains why, and a bond of laughter is created between the two women who have very different cultural heritages